is possible only if two people communicate with each other from the center of their existence,
which implies that each one perceives themselves from this center. It is in this “central experience”, and only in it, that human reality, vitality, the foundation of love is situated
Lived this way, love is a constant challenge; it is not the place of rest, but a movement, a growth, a work done in common
That there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people come together from the depths of their existence, that they are one with the other by being one with themselves,without running away from their own reality.
Succeeding in a relationship is a deep wish shared by many men and women and often difficult to achieve. After the first stages of the amorous state, we are confronted with the reality of everyday life, which often revives unintegrated childhood wounds. The fear of failure, the fear of losing the other person, the difficulties to communicate, the misunderstandings, the excessive expectations of the partner will emerge and wake up all the more the conflicts of the childhood or the previous relations; the long-awaited happiness turns into suffering
We know that this success depends essentially on us. If for disease, professional success, well-being, we can incriminate fate, parents, others, society, it is different from the relationship we founded. We know that it depends on us, our ability to choose what is good for us, to maintain our personal integrity while nourishing the relationship, to communicate, to understand what is going on for us and for the other.
When we encounter difficulties, in the first place, we are tempted to blame the other for it and to want it to change. We will soon be made to realize that we have our share of responsibilities and wrongs, which is experienced as a personal failure.
However, these couple crises are also influenced by systemic disorders and unconscious entanglements or identifications whose partners do not even suspect the existence and of which they can not make the other responsible
Irenas Bookkeeping Services Sydney In any couple crisis, observing and raising awareness of systemic origins could already provide significant relief when the intervention takes place early enough ….
Indeed, a couple is a 2 person system and obeys the laws that govern any living system , as small as it is. These laws, Bert Hellinger called them “the orders of love”. And if they are not respected, whether in the original system or the current system, it will cause harmful and painful disruption for individuals and their system.
Family constellations help to reveal the systemic dynamics that undermine a relationship; they give couples new points of view so that they find “their way out”, whether they stay together or separate. Making these causes and their impact visible in a couple’s life broadens understanding, reduces the emotional burden, and allows distancing and new direction.
Of course, not everything is systemic in the relations of couple, but the objective of this article is to draw the reader’s attention on the relations of couple in view of the “orders of the love” in order to understand this which can facilitate a harmonious balance.